Since Mahathir does not want to resign from all his BN appointed positions, I thought I’d write the termination letter draft on behalf of the Prime Minister and the Barisan Nasional (let it not be said I have no love for Pak Lah).
Most of the Prime Minister’s Department lads are Mahathir sycophants so I wanted to alleviate their own apprehensions by drafting it.
Dear fearless ex-party member 000001,
At the end of this letter I might be firing you from all the positions we appointed you to when you retired from being my boss, but knowing me I might not actually fire you or even remember at the end that I am writing this letter to sack you! But enough of my own inadequacies, this letter is really about you.
Look, we could have really avoided this if you just resigned, I mean can you imagine the stress you are putting me under? I already have to think of how to put Muhyiddin off his sermon pulpit without upsetting the Johor guys, and then there are Najibs boys, plus your son who agrees with you but does not decide to leave the party.
Let us look at the bright side of me sacking you:
a) You can now be proud of me, for having the courage to sack you, I mean you are a pretty intimidating character. For me to rise to this, it is like saving on a year of psycho-therapy on how to deal with your bullying. So it might be a little tough for you, but a positive change for me.
b) You will have more time to travel on MAS (and not on the Petronas jet) to various Umno divisions and share with them why they need to support other candidates for the presidency of the party you resigned from. You might be able to convince Kuli to resign too, then I will have one less problem to deal with.
c) Take the opportunity to start your own new party. You were not averse to it in 88 and look, most people today don’t even know that the original Umno party was ruled illegal back then and what we have today is a replacement party. Surely you can do it again. Come on mate, take on the challenge.
d) I’ve run out of ‘bright sides’, but since you are oh-so smarter than me, why not come up with some of your own, eh?
Anyway, Mahathir, I’ve not lost any respect for you. My regard for you is as high as high can go. Bro, you the man.
We can stay as pen-pals. In these days of the internet young people don’t appreciate like you and me on the value of good ol’ fashion letters, even poison letters like those floating about in our old party, Umno the original during Tunku’s time.
But remember in Umno anything can happen, anything. We are like the PGA. We can kiss and make up, if you say you are sorry, then we can pretend like none of this happened.
What do you say? Otherwise, you are fired.
Yours in retirement soon,
Abdullah Badawi, PM for now.