JULY 16 — It’s my birthday today, and I have to tell you, it is getting more and more unnerving when I get older (being in the wrong end of my thirties). Sure some of the usual concerns, but more so what my mother is likely to say to me.
“You are not married yet!”
In your twenties you will have cute answers for mummy, and in your years after thirty you start to get a little jittery yourself especially when you are attending less weddings for cousins, and more birthday events for their children.
There has to be some escape you would think, but the escape hatch had been sealed a long time ago. As my friend recollected to me what Jim Morrison mused — “No one gets out of here alive.”
And juxtapose that with what my mom said, “There will always be problems and challenges in your life, no reason not be married while you deal with them,” then you have one out of sorts Tamil boy from Hulu Langat.
But surely the increased lifespan of people in this day and age, and other examples of people living starting families later should give me great comfort, should give me that breathing space.
And plus the fact my best friend is 32 days older than me. He will always be older than me. He may have younger dogs and maybe even the best gadgets that gadgets can think of but he will still be older.
Or is that just sad?
But neither feeling sad or being overly excited (as I am right now) is going to get me any closer to being married.
The resolution is, my resolution is to be less fatalistic about my life and to move forward and bring some of the outcomes I desire.
I guess getting hitched will be one of those things, but boy am I not really good in that department. Something about the casual guy being too casual and so used to slipping from one date to another, and not really being needy as the usual guy is.
I probably put that down to my years living on my own in Manila. You tend to not expect from partners, and I am told expecting is halfway to a full-time relationship. Expecting… always.
But I’ve kinda wired myself not to expect, so how do I fix that eh?
I’ll tell you soon. Right now I’ve got some drinks to chase.